Friday, March 20, 2009


Harvard Researcher Sparks Theological Debate

In an unusual turn of events in the Joseph Biederman story, the question of his Divinity has become an essential part of it.

According to the New York Times story linked below, Dr. B. suggested he was only one degree of separation from the Almighty.

Harvard Medical School officials have been swift to respond. "The same could be said of all our professors," a spokesperson relayed. "Dr. Biederman was simply reiterating what has been our policy for centuries."

This evoked a sharp rebuke from the Harvard Divinity School. "Only WE can say who is, and who is not, one degree of separation from God. The Medical School is overstepping its authority here. Damn them."

In response to the squabble, the Harvard Law School has been called in to mediate. "The very fact that we are mediating," said the Law School, "proves that we are closer to God than either the Medical or Divinity School. Amen."

Meanwhile, Dr. Biederman Himself could not be reached for comment. The last thing anyone recalls Him saying publicly sounded something like, "Cut the baby in half."

But no one is sure. It could just as well have been, "Baby, My cut will be half."

Or something else.


  1. Hmmmmm… Interesting.
    Slap, Slap
    “Hey, Dr. B… It’s me, God.”
    “Did you forget? You are the Devil.”
    “Oh…you keep forgetting.”
    “That’s okay…I won’t.”

  2. Am I now manic or depressive?

  3. Halfababy...Pull yourself together.

  4. To Whom It May Concern:

    I am a world renowned researcher for a prestigious Medical College and I am writing to advise you of my availability to conduct research on behalf of your pharmaceutical products.
    My test studies are designed in such a manner which will ensure that your product will receive a favorable review in comparison trials to that of your competitor’s products. In addition, my studies and preordained conclusions will enable your product to reach a much broader market then was originally intended.
    Further, you will not have to worry about peer reviews, because as recent history has demonstrated peer reviews are almost non-existent and given my immense standing in the medical and research community no one would have the audacity to question my conclusions.
    By contracting for my services I am sure you can see the obvious benefits; your product will receive wide scale distribution as your marketing reps are extremely proficient in promoting off label use within the medical community. This widespread off label promotion will add billions in revenue for your product. Remember patents are a terrible thing to waste and you owe it to your shareholders to maximize the potential of these valuable assets.
    Also, I am well aware that the recent Supreme Court ruling, striking down preemption, was a terrible blow to your industry and the recent rumblings in Congress about amending the Medical Devices Act has you rightly concerned; but given the fact that it takes years for negative information to surface on any of your products you will have already banked billions of dollars in profits.
    In addition, given the current state of our semi-literate populace, the recent elections granting the Democrats a majority was, in fact, a godsend. The Republican philosophy has managed to take root among these semi-literate individuals, and given our national attention span, within 2 years the entire economic crisis and our diminished standing in world affairs will be entirely the fault of the anti-business Democratic Party. I am sure that you are already well aware of this fact and, as I am writing this, you have your marketing machine operating at full tilt to convince these well intentioned Americans that every lawsuit is frivolous and is a greed driven attack on your beneficent industry. So I have every confidence, as I am you sure you do, that these recent setbacks are only temporary.
    In closing, I must advise you that if your competitor does contract for my services, I will be ethically bound to prove that their product is superior to your product. You must act fast because if your competitor does contract for my services you will miss the opportunity of a lifetime and place your company in danger of being acquired by this very same competitor. Remember the CEO’s job you save may be your own.


    Professor X

  5. Could it be?…Yes it is!!!


    “Prof X!” … (a.k.a. Dr. B, better known as SATIN!)

    “You never give up.”

    “That’s why you’re so damn hot.”

  6. Dear Professor X,

    How thoughtful of you to be in touch. All of us here at Pfwacko hope that you and Martha are enjoying the new island.

    It would be wonderful to collaborate on the new project you propose. Indeed, we were just about to contact you in the hopes of working together just as you suggest. Indeed, we did try to contact you. Indeed, our check is in the mail. Actually, it went out last week. Have you not received it?

    When would be a good time for us to fly down? Or, of course, we would by happy to fly you, Martha, and the Little Ones up here. We just acquired Massachusetts, and so there are some excellent spots on Cape Cod that would make for a relaxing place to meet.

    So please do let us know about that check. We look forward to seeing you all soon.

    Best Regards,


  7. I'm so buzzed I could just die.

  8. Dear Professor X,

    Pardon my mistake in my last note. It has slipped my mind that we already gave you Massachusetts. I was so enthused about collaborating, that that bit got lost.

    Does Vermont have any appeal for you? Diana Levine has already been relocated.

    Best regards,


  9. I'm fine as along as I stand next to a mirror. I think.

  10. Very funny guys! Signed, the other Dr. B.

  11. To the Other:
    I guess we laugh so we won't cry.

  12. Has anybody seen my

  13. As a university professor wrote, "In any less pill-addicted culture, the cruelty of this man’s behavior would have been obvious to everyone."

  14. Is there a source for the above--I'd love to use it in a course.


  16. Hi James--You linked the original article also linked in the opening of this thread. Is the quote somewhere else?

  17. The following quote is taken from the article:

    "In a contentious Feb. 26 deposition between Dr. Biederman and lawyers for the states, he was asked what rank he held at Harvard. “Full professor,” he answered.

    “What’s after that?” asked a lawyer, Fletch Trammell.

    “God,” Dr. Biederman responded.

    “Did you say God?” Mr. Trammell asked.

    “Yeah,” Dr. Biederman said."

  18. Anonymous, you can find the quote you are looking for here:


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